Gerry Riviera AKA Geraldo
Is there a bigger blowhard than Geraldo? Some “highlights” of a Globe story about Geraldo the Sailorman.
“Look, I don’t care what people say about me. I’ve had a wonderful career,” he says. “I’ve been famous for 40 years.”
Jeffrey Dammer is famous too Gerry. That doesn’t mean he had a wonderful career and the same goes for you, douch.
On his autobiography:
“It started as a good yarn about a guy who worked his way up to become the first million-dollar reporter,” says Rivera. “I should never have written the other stuff. It was self-aggrandizing in a reckless, Romeo kind of way.”
Self-aggrandizing?!?!????? Geraldo??????? Stop the presses. Geeze what a douch.
Between 1997 and 2000, Rivera sailed Voyager around the world, and the tales he tells about the experience are predictably swashbuckling. “I’ve survived a hurricane and been chased by Somalian pirates,” he says. “Sailing is laden with so much crap - the tasseled loafers, the swells. I’m not into any of that.”
Where to begin? I guess with the fact that our swashbuckling hero Geraldo did NOT sail around the world. His boat did, but he didn’t. We know this because the trip was chronicled by and broadcast on the Travel Channel. Voyager had “permanent” crew that did all the heavy lifting. Geraldo flew back + forth from New York, joining the crew for the “fun” legs of the voyage. Crossing the equator, interesting ports, etc. In no way could he legitimately claim to have “sailed around the world”. It’s just self aggrandizing bullshit spun by a media whore/swell.
Of course, Marion isn’t exactly gritty. The exclusive Kittansett Club is barely a nine iron from his circular driveway, and Rivera’s well-heeled neighbors include Goldman Sachs partner Sidney Weinberg, Staples founder Tom Stemberg, and attorney Linda Kenney-Baden and her husband, forensic pathologist Michael Baden.
Yes, Marion, Mass on Buzzrds Bay is quite a place. Stocky was once told a story of a tennis match played at Geraldo’s club. It was the finals of some tournament and many people were in the stands watching. As the match was going on, our swash buckling hero Geraldo decided that he needed to get workout in. So he took off his shirt and began jogging in circles around the tennis court.
A more common example of Gerry pissing off the members would be the landing of his helicopter near the club.
Swell guy that Geraldo.
Of course Stocky would be remiss if he didn’t address the most aggregious part of the story. The Michelle Malkin smackdown or I guess Spitdown would be more accurate.
“Michelle Malkin is the most vile, hateful commentator I’ve ever met in my life,” he says. “She actually believes that neighbors should start snitching out neighbors, and we should be deporting people.
“It’s good she’s in D.C. and I’m in New York,” Rivera sneers. “I’d spit on her if I saw her.”
Well, at least Geraldo is getting wiser in his old age. No more picking on Men. That never worked out too well for Gerry. Frank Stallone delivered a nice Geraldo Ass-kicking on the Howard Stern show and who can forget the skinhead who broke Geraldo’s nose on his show.
Those are just the beatdowns Gerry’s gotten while the cameras were rolling. I hope they are rolling the next time Michelle bumps into Gerry.
I bet Mr. Tough Guy ends up a loser again.